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chokeonashes

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New to LJ [Jul. 10th, 2006|11:59 am]
chokeonashes
[mood |rejectedrejected]
[music |Nirvana- "Jesus Dont Want Me For A Sunbeam"]

So.. I'm new.. I just got off of stupid Emo Xanga..

Here was today's entry- This is Reality.. Wake up call..

Have you ever felt like the world was caving in on you? Like..
you were hated by all, and everyone in the world couldn't care
less about the stress, confusion, and depressing bullshit your
going through?

I swear, just by taking a vaca, My mom doesn't love me. My sister
thinks I hate her. One of my best friends dumped me for someone
she used to hate and told me I was the most obnoxious annoying
judgmental person she's ever met.. My other best friend, never
answers the phone when I need to talk to her.. and I'm probably
going to be homeless within the next month.

I really just don't feel like going through this. I just don't want
to live through this pain.. and I shouldn't have to. I just want to
make everyone happy, and I can't. I'm either too selfish, too
conceited, too judgmental, or I'm just not fun to be with anymore.

I remember when I was so loved, and it felt so great to be with my
friends, and not have any worries cause I was just 12-13-14.. and
then everything bad just slapped me in the face for a wake up call.
I'm not a good friend, and I can't believe I never saw it before.
I am judgmental. I'm annoying as hell. And I am basically mentally
ill, cause I'm not up to date with the whole trust thing. I'm way
ahead of it all.

I'm thinking about just starting a new life. I have to. I need new
friends, and a new town, and a new everything.. Even though it's not
what I want, I'm going to drive myself to suicide with all of the
stress if I don't.

So.. would I rather live happy in a new town.. and start over for the
millionth time.. or live the same place and hope things get better?
Idk..I'm undecided.

-hannaH
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